If there was one thing that I wish I could go back and do over with my first child, I would make more “room to grow”. Let me explain what I mean by that. Overall, I feel like I did a pretty good job of being fairly relaxed, not stressing out, and giving him the tools (aka toys and experiences) he needed to progress, but in very specific, certain situations (like spilling his milk) when I would kind of freak out. I would gasp, scold, inflict a minor consequence such as making him wipe it up or a ten second time out, and tell him never to do it again. Now, as a more experienced mother, when my younger children spill, I skip the gasping and the scolding, but guess who’s doing it for me now? (My oldest, if you didn't guess!)
There has to be room in every family to make mistakes. Without having the comfort to make mistakes from time to time, we can never leave our comfort zones to grow and try new things.
The time in my life where I saw this principle demonstrated best was while I was at a study abroad in Jerusalem. There were 44 students total, and somehow, we all became such good friends that we started to try things that we had never done in our lives, because we knew we were all safe with each other. One student sang a solo in public for the first time, another tried leading the music in church, and I found the courage to play the organ in public for the first time. These are just a few of the examples and small miracles of people coming out of their shell that occurred there.
This principle also applies in marriage. If we freak out, moan, or complain every time our spouse tries something that goes wrong, how often will they continue to try new things? This can unfortunately happen even when our spouse is trying to do something for us. I'll share one example that happened in our marriage.
The first time we moved to Hawaii shortly after we were married, my husband was SO EXCITED as we flew into Oahu to start showing me all the special places he knew. He had arranged for someone to pick us up at the airport and drive us to the North Shore. He planned for us to camp at a beach our first night there, where he had spent many nights with friends before.
Unfortunately, when we arrived at the beach, so did a security officer to inform us that the beach was closed for the night--something that had never happened while my husband when my husband had been there previously. A little unnerved and unsure, we started wondering down the road into a forest. Spiders, ants, centipedes, and other insects covered the ground as we searched for a place to sleep as it got darker and darker.
Hungry, tired, frustrated, and newly pregnant, I lost my temper along the way and said things that I regret. I unwittingly hurt my husband at a time when he was trying to share something he loved with me.
Fortunately, we can receive grace through the Savior's sacrifice and try again. As we seek forgiveness and show love consistently, we can find more room in our hearts and families to make mistakes, grow, and try again. It takes time, forgiveness, and practice, but by letting the small things go has made our family feel more safe and happy.
There has to be room in every family to make mistakes. Without having the comfort to make mistakes from time to time, we can never leave our comfort zones to grow and try new things.
The time in my life where I saw this principle demonstrated best was while I was at a study abroad in Jerusalem. There were 44 students total, and somehow, we all became such good friends that we started to try things that we had never done in our lives, because we knew we were all safe with each other. One student sang a solo in public for the first time, another tried leading the music in church, and I found the courage to play the organ in public for the first time. These are just a few of the examples and small miracles of people coming out of their shell that occurred there.
This principle also applies in marriage. If we freak out, moan, or complain every time our spouse tries something that goes wrong, how often will they continue to try new things? This can unfortunately happen even when our spouse is trying to do something for us. I'll share one example that happened in our marriage.
The first time we moved to Hawaii shortly after we were married, my husband was SO EXCITED as we flew into Oahu to start showing me all the special places he knew. He had arranged for someone to pick us up at the airport and drive us to the North Shore. He planned for us to camp at a beach our first night there, where he had spent many nights with friends before.
Unfortunately, when we arrived at the beach, so did a security officer to inform us that the beach was closed for the night--something that had never happened while my husband when my husband had been there previously. A little unnerved and unsure, we started wondering down the road into a forest. Spiders, ants, centipedes, and other insects covered the ground as we searched for a place to sleep as it got darker and darker.
Hungry, tired, frustrated, and newly pregnant, I lost my temper along the way and said things that I regret. I unwittingly hurt my husband at a time when he was trying to share something he loved with me.
Fortunately, we can receive grace through the Savior's sacrifice and try again. As we seek forgiveness and show love consistently, we can find more room in our hearts and families to make mistakes, grow, and try again. It takes time, forgiveness, and practice, but by letting the small things go has made our family feel more safe and happy.
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